Now Comes the Hard Part
An executive coaching reflection on immunity to change, competing commitments, and the identity questions that surface once success stops simplifying life.
The Return
Two days ago, we returned from China. The trip exceeded every expectation we had. The trainings were extraordinary, the participants even more so. The conversations were rich and before we had even boarded the plane home, new invitations had already started arriving.
There was interest in new My Identity Journey groups across different regions of China, My Leadership Journey program for female leaders ( Ivana Blečić … get ready), more demand for Erickson Coaching International ‘s flagship program, The Art & Science of Coaching, additional coaching engagements and several invitations to return.
For years, this was exactly what we had been working toward. Yet on the flight home, Stepanka Jovanovic and I spent surprisingly little time talking about China. Instead, we found ourselves talking about our calendar… we had reached a point where every meaningful “yes” inevitably required another meaningful “not now”. The real question lingering in the air was …
…and now what?
The Dilemma
We often assume that success simplifies life. In reality, it introduces a different kind of complexity and it changes the decisions we have to make.
Over the past year, our vision of taking our work beyond our home countries has gradually become reality – Serbia, Czech Republic, Bulgaria and now China with more countries already appearing on the horizon. This is something we wanted and worked hard to create but success has an interesting way of changing our perception and ideas of what we want.
In one hand, we want to continue building My Identity Journey internationally, to bring My Leadership Journey to organizations around the world and to meet remarkable people from different cultures, learn from them and continue growing ourselves.
At the very same time, we want to spend more afternoons with our children while they are still in a season of life when our presence matters most. We want to stay connected to Serbia and Czech Republic and continue investing in the communities and organizations that have shaped us.
Beside spending time with our kids, none of the other desires feels less important comparing to others. The challenge is that they all compete for the same limited resources: our time, our attention and our energy…
Ultimately, they compete for how we choose to live.
While reflecting on this, I found myself returning to an idea from Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey ‘s Immunity to Change. They suggest that what often appears to be indecision is actually a conflict between commitments. While pursuing our goals, we also try to protect what matters to us. And often those commitments pull us in different directions. One commitment invites us toward growth, exploration and new possibilities. Another invites us toward presence, family and stability. The tension exists because both are deeply aligned with our values.
The real challenge is deciding which opportunities deserve our lives.
The Conversation That Matters
In such situations, executive coaching is one of the rare approaches that can make a difference. A consultant can help us redesign our business model, a mentor can share what worked in their own career. Both perspectives are valuable. But neither can answer the question we are actually facing:
Which commitment deserves priority in this season of our lives?
That answer cannot be borrowed. Not from a mentor, or a book, or from ChatGPT. Because this is no longer a strategic question or a skills-based topic. It is an identity question — the kind that identity coaching, rather than consulting or mentoring, is built to hold.
- Who do we want to be as parents?
- What kind of business do we want to build?
- What kind of impact do we want to create?
And ultimately…
- What kind of life do we want to live?
These questions require a conversation that helps to understand what we want, but also what we may be unconsciously protecting. Kegan and Lahey argue that we often resist change because a part of us is trying to preserve an identity that has served us well until now, and that real growth begins when we stop fighting that resistance and start understanding it.
A few years ago, our question was simple: “How do we create these opportunities?” Today, our question is very different: “Which of these opportunities belongs to the life we actually want to live?”
This is what growth really does. Complexity stays but the questions change.
And now what?
We don’t know yet. And strangely, that feels completely okay. After all, the real measure of success is whether we can embrace the right opportunities without losing what matters most.
Written by Pedja Jovanović
Pedja Jovanović is the Founder of Atria Group International and Co-creator of My Identity Journey and My Leadership Journey. He works internationally with senior leaders, founders, and executive teams navigating growth, complexity, and transformation, combining cognitive, embodied, and intuitive approaches to leadership development.
