The Applause We Never Question
A personal reflection on ambition, accomplishment, and what we really celebrate when we applaud a child’s achievement.
Yesterday our daughter had her end-of-year kindergarten performance. Like many parents, we spent most of the event smiling, taking photos, occasionally fighting back tears and wondering how it is possible that children grow up so quickly.
At the end of the performance, the celebration unexpectedly turned into a kind of performance review.
Each child leaving kindergarten was introduced with a few facts about themselves. In a beautifully packaged way, teacher summarized their journey since the day they first entered kindergarten, sharing highlights in front of an audience full of proud parents, grandparents and siblings.
One boy was presented as someone who has been reading in three languages since the age of four! The audience applauded.
Then the teacher asked him: “What are you most excited about when you start school?”
“Math,” he replied. The audience applauded again.
And I found myself wondering…
Was I witnessing a remarkable gift? Or a child already learning what earns applause?
The truth is, I do not know.
Maybe he genuinely loves reading and mathematics. I sincerely hope he does. I hope he loves them more than playing, dancing, jumping, creating beautiful child-sized chaos and simply being a child.
The moment opened my personal Pandora’s box…
What Do We Celebrate?
As children we quickly learn what captures the attention of adults. What receives applause and what gets noticed. And over time, we begin to organize ourselves around those signals (in positive and negative way).
Most accomplishments are beautiful and worth of respect, especially at a young age, however the question is what happens when achievement becomes our primary source of value?
… being exceptional by criteria of our parents, teachers and managers matters more than being connected to ourselves?
…. performing matters more than exploring?
…. producing matters more than experiencing?
The Hidden Curriculum
Every system we belong (family, school, company) teaches something without ever saying it out loud. A set of messages communicated through attention, rewards, comparisons and applause. We learn to look for evidence of excellence in grades, trophies, and promotions — anything that can be measured, compared and applauded.
Over time, we internalize a simple equation:
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓.
At first, this belief can be highly effective. It creates motivation. It fuels ambition. It drives performance. It produces results.
The same mechanism that pushes us toward success gradually disconnect us from aspects of ourselves that do not seem useful for achievement… From curiosity, playfulness, presence… from connection.
The Achievement Paradox
One of the recurring themes in My Identity Journey is what we call the The Achievement Paradox.
We spend most of our lives chasing one great achievement after another — building successful careers and businesses. Yet many of us eventually discover that while our achievements have grown, our connection to ourselves has not. Sometimes, as our success grows, we even find ourselves further away from who we truly are.
Success pursued at the expense of inner connection creates a form of internal debt. The tragedy is that many of us only discover this after getting everything we once wanted…
… and then the time comes for debt to be paid.
The challenge is…
- To shift our inner drive for achievement from fear to achievement from love.
- To pursue excellence from joy rather than anxiety.
- To build capabilities from connection rather than compensation.
- To develop ambition without becoming trapped by it.
- To remain connected while achieving (or failing).
If I could choose one thing for my children, it would be to always strive for excellence while continuously strengthening their connection to themselves.
Written by Pedja Jovanović
Pedja Jovanović is the Founder of Atria Group International and Co-creator of My Identity Journey and My Leadership Journey. He works internationally with senior leaders, founders, and executive teams navigating growth, complexity, and transformation, combining cognitive, embodied, and intuitive approaches to leadership development.
